By Adam Rex

Doug Lee is undead relatively by way of accident—attacked via a determined vampire, he unearths himself cursed with being fats and fifteen perpetually. while he has no success discovering a few goth chick with a vampire fetish, he inns to sucking the blood of cows below hide of the evening. yet it’s simply no longer the same.

Then he meets the hot Indian trade pupil and falls for her—hard. Yeah, he desires to chunk her, yet he additionally desires to end up himself to her. yet just like the legislation of lifestyles, love, and highschool, the legislation of vampire life are complicated—it’s no longer as effortless as learning Dracula. in particular whilst the big name of Vampire Hunters is sizzling in your path in an try and improve scores. . . .

Searing, hilarious, and constantly unforeseen, Fat Vampire is a satirical travel de strength from some of the most unique writers of fiction today.

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It’s like any the children picked final for each kickball online game in the USA. ” “Hey, screw you! ” shouted a boy in a Gorillaz T-shirt. “I’m on my highschool swim group! ” “Ooh. ” Head laughed. “Swim staff. ” “We went to country final yr! What’d you ever do, fats ass?! ” “Hey! ” acknowledged Head. “Watch your mouth or I’ll watch it for ya! ” “He desires to watch your mouth,” acknowledged one other boy. “Yeah,” stated a 3rd attendee, one in his twenties, “because that's all he does, correct? That’s his activity. gazing issues. while this line is stuffed with geniuses and software program engineers. ” “Maybe I’ll lease you to observe my mansion sometime, dick-pipe! ” an individual shouted. “That’s it! again of the road! ” stated Head. “Maybe I’ll rent you to wash my pool! ” stated another person. “Back of the road! All of you! ” “Can we move in? ” Jay requested Craig. “Knock yourselves out,” acknowledged Craig. In mins they have been in a zigzagging line of low curtains, and so they slalomed via it, on my own; correct, left, correct, towards a row of tables manned through seated, severe ladies. every one lady seemed like she used to be someone’s least-favorite aunt. each one lady had whatever to bestow on Doug and Jay, and the 2 boys walked in procession and obtained every one in their tokens in flip. Marjorie provides the advisor to Programming, your spouse to the dominion that awaits. Wendy can provide to every an legit Badge, which Mustn’t Be misplaced. From Ellen comes the Bag of maintaining, packed with buttons, key chains, and all demeanour of promos. And from Madge, the e-book of Coupons. A thirty-dollar price. Then, half the skinny grey curtains and step, if you’re prepared, into the nice corridor and flavor of all its— “Jesus,” stated Doug. “Look. ” shortly a woman sauntered by means of dressed as Femininja—which is to claim, in a black bikini with a sword. “Huh,” stated Jay. “My spidey feel is tingling,” Doug whispered, and appeared over at Jay, who in all probability hadn’t heard him. He’d spent a day a number of weeks in the past considering humorous comedian publication issues to assert while women handed. He had a computer choked with them. The express area at the floor ground was once like 3 soccer fields of stands, compartments, and tables, in the back of every one of which was once anything to wish, or anyone to need, or a person to need to speak to. without delay in entrance of them now was once the unique captain’s chair from the set of Gastronauts, a book-brick bunker of manga and imported motion figures in programs dashed with jap, and Lou Ferrigno. “Why does every little thing glance cooler with eastern on it? ” requested Doug. “Huh? ” Jay stated absently. They strode ahead, slowly, intentionally, taking all of it in—this goblin industry on the nexus of all realities the place a circa Nineteen Eighties Iron guy and an unique 1963 Iron guy and Naruto and Sherlock Holmes may all be awaiting a similar rest room. would it not express the dimensions of the article to grasp that there has been anyone who elected to decorate because the Kool-Aid guy? wouldn't it express it higher to understand there have been ? “Look,” acknowledged Doug. “Those Kool-Aid males are combating. ” “I don’t understand what to do,” stated Jay. “I don’t comprehend what to do. ” “About what?

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